Dog Haiku

 
 I love my master; 
 Thus I perfume myself with 
 This long-rotten squirrel. 
 

 I lie belly-up 
 In the sunshine, happier than 
 You ever will be 
 

 Today I sniffed 
 Many dog behinds-I celebrate 
 By kissing your face. 
 

 I sound the alarm! 
 Paper boy-come to kill us all- 
 Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! 
 

 I sound the alarm! 
 Garbage man-come to kill us all- 
 Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! 
 

 I lift my leg and 
 Whiz on each bush. Hello, Spot, 
 Sniff this and weep 
 

 How do I love thee? 
 The ways are numberless as 
 My hairs on the rug. 
 

 My human is home! 
 I am so ecstatic I have 
 Made a puddle 
 

 I Hate my choke chain- 
 Look, world, they strangle me! Ack 
 Ack Ack Ack Ack Ack! 
 

 Sleeping here, my chin 
 On your foot -no greater bliss-well, 
 Maybe catching rats 
 

 Look in my eyes and 
 Deny it. No human could 
 Love you as much I do 
 

 The cat is not all 
 Bad-she fills the litter box 
 With Tootsie Rolls 
 

 Dig under fence-why? 
 Because it's there. Because it's 
 There. Because it's there. 
 

 I am your best friend, 
 Now, always, and especially 
 When you are eating. 
 

 My owners' mood is 
 Romantic-I lie near their 
 Feet. I fart a big one.