Degrees Fahrenheit:

60º     Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one)
50º     Miami residents turn on the heat
40º     You can see your breath
         Californians shiver uncontrollably
         Minnesotans go swimming
35º     Italian cars don't start
32º     Water freezes
30º     You plan your vacation to Australia
25º     Boston water freezes
         Californians weep pitiably
         Minnesotans eat ice cream
         Canadians go swimming
20º     Politicians begin to talk about the homeless
         New York City water freezes
         Miami residents plan vacation further South
15º     French cars don't start
         Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you
10º     You need jumper cables to get the car going
5º      American cars don't start
0º      Alaskans put on T-shirts
-10º    German cars don't start
         Eyes freeze shut when you blink
-15º    You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo
         Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects
         Miami residents cease to exist
-20º    Cat insists on sleeping in pajamas with you
         Politicians actually do something about the homeless
         Minnesotans shovel snow off roof
         Japanese cars don't start
-25º    Too cold to think
         You need jumper cables to get the driver going
-30º    You plan a two week hot bath
         Swedish cars don't start
-40º    Californians disappear
         Minnesotans button top button
         Canadians put on sweaters
         Your car helps you plan your trip South
-50º    Congressional hot air freezes
         Alaskans close the bathroom window
-80º    Hell freezes over
         Polar bears move South
-90º    Lawyers put their hands in their own pockets