From the "outtakes" of the lastest edition of the Harvard Dictionary of
Music:
ACCIDENTALS: the wrong notes.
AUDITION: the act of putting oneself under extreme duress to
satisfy the sadistic intentions of someone who has already made up his
mind.
ACCELARANDO: what happens when drummers have to keep a steady beat
CONDUCTOR: an ignorable figure capable of following numerous individuals
at once.
CUT TIME: When you suddenly realize that everyone else is playing twice
as fast as you are.
CRESCENDO: a reminder to the performer that he has been playing too
loud.
CYMBALS: percussion instrument to be dropped while the band plays pianissimo
FERMATA: a chance for the conductor to catch his breath while attempting
to make his wind players pass out.
GLISSANDO: the way string players play difficult runs
KEY CHANGE: a change in the main pitch or "tonal center" which takes
full effect three to five bars after it is noted in the music.
PAGE TURN: a good way to avoid playing the hard parts
PRACTICE: Don't worry about it. Musicians never do it anyway.
RALLENTANDO: what never seems to happen during the technical passages
RITARD: the idiot behind the stick
TEMPO CHANGE: signal for the musicians to ignore the conductor.
UNISON: See "minor second"
VIBRATTO: a way for musicians to hide the fact that they are on the
wrong pitch
