Answers given by a man
Why are men such jerks?
It's a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men
suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average
lifespan of a male is typically 10 years shorter (and it's not
just from all the bitching and nagging we have to endure)?
Hormone modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood.
Why do men always touch themselves, especially in public?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him
happy. It's much like adjusting your bra. Being in public
is
just an added bonus.
Why do men always say such stupid things?
We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner
frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.
Why are men so uncommunicative?
You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you
open it you get into trouble with your partner.
Why do men have to act like such retards?
Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because we enjoy it.
It's the old fashioned pride in a job well done that's missing
in
so much of the world nowadays.
Why can't men just share their feelings?
Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand
that men and women are different? How are we supposed to share
how we feel when we have no idea how we feel? Unless we're
experiencing some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust,
or
a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel. Personally,
I
get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.
Why can't men cuddle more (i.e. lie down and hug)?
Please... How many hours do you think there is in a day? We
oblige you as much as we can, but who the heck (besides women)
can stand lying around for hours on end? We men... Men hunters...
Need go roam... Starve in cave... Must go find wildebeest...
Now
sitting on our butts for hours on end on the other hand is
a whole other story.
How can men sit on their butts all day without moving?
Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by
evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time
without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often
necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while
hunting for prey. The more successful hunters were able to sit
very
still for very extended periods of time thereby passing on
this ability to their progeny. The fidgety types were all gobbled
up by
saber toothed tigers etcetera. The end result is that almost
all
modern men are born with this innate ability.
Why can't men just say "I love you?"
Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To
say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you.
Most men consider that a character fault. It's not easy to admit
to
one's own character faults.
Why do men say "I love you" when they hardly know me?
Ho, Ho, Ho... Aren't you special? Well, some men think it's a
sure fire way to get into your pants. Surprisingly, it
actually
still works quite well.
What does it mean when men say "I Love You?"
1 Please sleep with me.
2 I'm sorry for whatever it is that I did.
3 I forgot to get you a gift; this will have to do.
4 Huh? I'm sorry; I wasn't listening.
5 What did I forget? This should buy me a little time.
6 Stop nagging me.
7 What do I have to do to get a beer around here?
Why doesn't my partner ever answer me?
We just simply don't have the energy to answer every single one
of your questions. If we think we do not have the answer, or
that
you will not like the answer, we simply remain quiet and save
the
energy for other things.
Why won't men ever pick up after themselves?
Why should we? It doesn't really bother us that much.
Besides,
we know darn well you'll pick it up.
Why do men hate shopping?
It's an evolutionary thing. Men hunt. Women gather. We just want
to go out, kill it, and bring it back. Who wants to spend
hours
and hours to look at things we have no intention of killing?
err... Buying?
Why do men find blonde bimbos attractive?
Are you kidding? Even leaving the physical aside, blonde bimbos
are generally much easier to get along (alone) with. They like
having fun and doing exciting things. They don't walk around
with
the weight of the world on their shoulders. They don't ever give
us a hard time for being a dumb male; and plus they laugh at
most
of our jokes (even the ones they don't get). What
more could any
of us males ask for?
Why do men act like they own the remote control?
What do you mean act? We do; possession is nine tenths of the
law. Besides, it is an awesome responsibility not to be
entrusted to just anyone. I believe the only fair way to decide
who gets
the remote control is to arm wrestle for it.
Why can't men stay on a single channel for more than two seconds?
Are you kidding? What if there is something good on the next
channel? We could miss it if we stay on one channel for too long.
(See
also: Why do men fear commitment?)
Why do men fear commitment?
Don't be so surprised. Yes; most of us do know what 'commitment'
means and can spell it correctly. It's like an automobile. No
matter how good you think this year's model is, they're always
coming out with newer, faster, better, sleeker, and sexier
models. We simply cannot be expected to purchase the first one
we
see. We must browse around a bit and test drive a few. Who wants
to end up with a lemon? At least with a car, there's a slight
chance
of it eventually becoming a classic. It simply makes much more
sense
to lease and upgrade to the younger... err... I mean, newer models
every couple of years. Some of them come with fun extras like
dual air bags.
What does it mean when men say, "I'm just not ready for a relationship
right now" or "I don't want a girl friend?"
It means that we like you enough to sleep with you, but not
enough so that we want to see you repeatedly.
What does it mean when men say, "Can we just be friends?"
Generally, it means that the recipient of said comment is
physically repulsive enough that no beer goggles may be thick
enough to provide adequate protection.
Why are men so obsessed with beautiful women?
As opposed to what? Really ugly women? Face it, if men were
obsessed with ugly women, there would be just as much bitching
about why men are so obsessed with ugly women. No matter how
you
set this up, some people are always going to be left out. I don't
see anyone screaming about equal treatment for the stupid people
either.
Why do men like younger women?
Well, let's see. Besides the fact that they like older men,
they're easily impressed. They're also perky, energetic, and
come
with very little baggage. And gravity has less
prevail over
their bodies.
Why do men only have one thing on their minds?
While technically correct, this statement is not strictly true.
We may only be able to entertain one idea at a time, but we do
think of lots of other things besides sex, such as sports and
beer. We
also get hungry quite often.
How can men possibly find that other woman attractive
(i.e. whatever do you see in that fat pig)?
Even if you happen to be Cindy Crawford, once we get the idea
that you are ours, other women suddenly become much more
attractive and you lose a few attractiveness points. I'm a bit
puzzled by this one myself. I think evolution is to blame.
We men are just innocent bystanders in the war of the selfish
genes. You should love us despite our inherent weakness.
Why are men such dogs?
I resent that. Dogs are faithful... loyal... affectionate...
and
obedient...
